In the city of Omaha, there is a developing epidemic – teenage drivers. Watching new drivers swerve in and out of lanes like the “speed limit” is a “speed suggestion” is an amazing sight to behold.
In an unfortunate twist, though, the epidemic has made it onto the curb of Millard North – literally. You’d think our curbs were compact car lanes with how many drivers take advantage of their silky smooth passage.
Aside from the over-the-top description of our unsettling, swerving drivers, the two most devious and prominent problems at North’s already difficult-to-navigate parking lots are the topic of conversation. Up first: road rage.
Contrary to that description, among us students, there doesn’t seem to be much rage on our roadways – unfortunately, there is a lot more racing and much less respect than is needed to make our lots flow.
Imagine this: you’ve had a long slog of a day, and you’ve only just gotten into your little car. You’re more relaxed than most in the after-school rush to escape when, suddenly, you realize how far that didn’t get you – your parking spot is quickly surrounded by lines of cars, and your friends look away as they deny you entry into the seemingly-endless line out of the lot.
Once you finally escape your parking spot, trying to enter the line out of the lot is just as nightmarish – unaware parents running stop signs, students crossing the streets, and worst of all, drivers refusing to adhere to MN’s parking lot expectations. Anger alert! Road rage inbound!
We can’t blame you! We’re not saying you should be angry, but we definitely would be. Imagine how much faster our never-ending route out of the parking lot could be if we all believed in the mighty F-word: following the zipper.
The zipper is one of the most revolutionary designs ever created; from holding together two sides of a jacket to containing the textbook terrors in your worn-out backpack, zippers are amazing at keeping things organized and tidy.
So why don’t we follow the zipper’s example in our miserable after-school treks through the parking lot? Allowing one car in from the left and another in from the right will most effectively and efficiently clear out our weary and frustrated traffic-stuck students.
To that point, there lies another parking pandemic among our more exclusive zones: students in teacher lots, and most annoying of all, sophomores and juniors in – you guessed it – the senior lot.
Sure, those yellow lines you see lining the far sides of our school are, for many, much easier to park within and position your car between, but receiving parking tickets is no fun.
As a result of this repeated insolence, students have turned to methods of yanking the chains of their older schoolmates. Picture this – after a difficult night spent studying for your senior courses and missing a breakfast that would’ve made your whole week, you come to school only to see sophomores and juniors leaving their freshly parked cars in the lot meant for you, a veteran of the school system.
The senior lot is no longer reserved for matriculating students – instead, it is a mixing pot of deceit and injustice, with unmasked marauders taking over the hard-to-come-by spaces of the only refuge that our war-torn heroes have.
Looking at these two problems with the current state of driving at Millard North allows one to fully grasp the causes of such struggle – betrayal.
Among the most brutal displays I’ve witnessed in my time at Millard North are the blind eyes of our drivers.
Refusing to give eye contact to your best friend since the days of preschool, you may choose to steal ahead a spot, granting yourself exit from the school a whole 3 seconds before any other – and that, for many, is reason enough to drive recklessly.