I have high-fived abusers. After a hard fought soccer game, my team and I go down the line, exchanging “good games”, high-fives, and smiles with the other team. It is impossible to tell whether the coach at the end of the line inappropriately texts or touches his players or views their relationship as more than just mentor and mentee.
We’ve all heard the stories: Larry Nassar, Jerry Sandusky, and so many other coaches, trainers and trusted adults in the sports world. I’d heard those stories too. However, nothing hits harder than hearing such stories from my own teammates.
I would never have known that the coach at the end of the line had asked his players for sexually explicit images, to bring him food and candy, found and saved hundreds of pictures of them, while often threatening playing time if they didn’t comply to requests.
Thankfully, this specific coach was reported and is currently serving time in prison for attempted child enticement, but, in many cases, there isn’t such a happy ending.
Sports are meant to be a way to escape, a safe place to spend time with friends playing a game that you love.
Unfortunately, this highly emotional, free from parental gaze environment also makes it possible for an individual in power to create an unsafe relationship with youth athletes.
According to the International Olympic Committee, most abusers follow a common set of steps in the grooming process.
The first is targeting a potential victim. A coach spends lots of time with their players, so they take this opportunity to observe which athlete is most vulnerable and create a friendship.
The second stage is developing this relationship. This is done by making the athlete feel special, listening to them, and beginning to bargain. For example, “if you do this, I’ll do that”.
Then, they begin to develop isolation and control. They will demean and restrict non-sport relationships and begin to use small tests to check the child’s commitment and reliability.
Finally, they gradually initiate the sexual abuse and secure secrecy. Common strategies include guilt-tripping, offering protection, and threatening. Threats can range anywhere from less playing time to exposing confidential information about the athlete.
According to the U.S Center for SafeSport, 93% of athletes who experienced sexual harassment or unwanted contact during their time in sports did not report it.
There are several reasons for this startling statistic. One being fear of rebuttal from the perpetrator. Another is the lack of truly registering that what is happening is not acceptable or normal behavior.
Being an athlete for several years myself, I have heard, witnessed, and experienced several uncomfortable situations– from things that seem as small as unwanted touches to misplaced comments to extreme forms of sexual abuse. Young athletes wonder if their discomfort is truly warranted, or just them being overdramatic.
Personally, I have never received a presentation or warning concerning misconduct in my sport through an organization I played for. With such a lack of education, many athletes with concerns have no way of knowing what should be reported or even where to do so.
At the highest level of any school or sports organization, standards should be set, detailing how athletes and those in power are allowed to communicate and specific boundaries regarding physical touch and language.
Education for all, especially coaches and officials, is also incredibly important. Most coaches have nothing but positive intentions, but awareness of boundaries will help to increase trust with their athletes and ensure even unintentional discomfort is avoided.
According to Athletic Director Keith Maly, coaches in the MPS district are required to take a sexual harassment seminar at the beginning of each year. The National Federation of State High School Associations (NFHS) also has courses that coaches or sponsors can take at any time.
Along with this, all organizations should have a way to report – and follow up on the reports of – any misconduct and breaking of boundaries, no matter how severe.
In Millard, there is a chain protocol used to address concerns. The athlete must first speak directly to the coach, and if nothing changes, meet with the Athletic Director, coach, and parents. If necessary, they then meet with District Athletic Director.
Another option is for athletes to anonymously report concerns. This can be done through both the Safe 2 Help Nebraska and the US Center for SafeSport websites.
The goal for any school or sports organization should be to create a fun and safe environment that promotes learning and development. Not making an active effort to protect participants and hire staff that have pure intentions is completely unacceptable.
As a society, we must take the power out of the hands of abusers and put it in the hands of the youth. Our palms are open and reaching for resources, education, validation, and, most of all, a safe place to do what we love.