Gaslighting, romance, manipulation. A 2016 novel written by author Colleen Hoover tells the love story of Lily Bloom and Ryle Kincaid. Wait… did I just say love?
After her abusive father passes away, Lily leaves her small town in Maine and moves to her dream city, Boston. There, she meets Ryle and falls in love.
Everything is perfect until it’s not. Ryle seems like the dream man, but as their relationship progresses, Lily sees a side of him that reminds her of her father. In moments of anger, Ryle loses his temper and becomes violent to Lily. Yet, he brushes it off as an accident every time.
Lily quickly realizes that she is back in the life she’s lived before. Her father was abusive towards Lily and her mother, and Ryle’s actions trigger flashbacks of her childhood.
Controversy of the novel arose when Hoover published the book under multiple romance genres. What romance? The violence and gaslighting?
While Hoover defended her novel, saying “My goal was to portray the complexities of loving someone who hurts you and how leaving that person is often not as simple as it seems”, readers were not convinced.
When I saw a movie was coming out, I didn’t know what to expect. I wasn’t sure how the translation from words to the screen would play out.
Would the movie do a better job of portraying the reality of domestic abuse, or would the message get lost in “romance?” I decided to see for myself.
I do think there is some validity to the movie, as it is a lot more raw and honest about the topic and can really spark conversation.
In general, the movie followed the book closely, with many scenes depicted with the same power as the book did. One of the most powerful scenes is after Lily gives birth to Ryle’s child, and decides she will raise their daughter alone. She questions Ryle, asking him what he would say to his daughter if the man she loved hurt her.
The realization that he wouldn’t even be able to comfort his daughter is such a harsh reality.
Breaking the cycle of generational trauma is a difficult decision to make. The relationship can have glimpses of sweet moments and can make it seem like the relationship is worth fighting for.
Unfortunately, what Lily went through is a reality for some people. What I liked about the movie is that it didn’t downplay the significance of these experiences. Specifically, I just felt that this movie empathizes with those going through something similar.
I think it is incredibly important to spread awareness of domestic violence and allow victims to share their stories in a judgment-free, safe space. It is critical.
Overall, I think the movie explored the complicated intertwining between romance and abuse and highlighted the challenges that can arise from trying to leave an abusive relationship.
Victims may feel like they have to be loyal to their partner, fear leaving, or hope that someday they really will change like they always promised.
The movie changed my perspective on how toxic relationships can be portrayed in romance, and still send a meaningful and powerful message.
I would recommend this movie to anyone teen or above, but would advise against going into it thinking that the story will be lighthearted and romantic with everything being perfect.